We should get Jerseys cause we make a great team,though yours would look better than mine cause you're outta my league

Amazing..How one person can distract you from everything. How one person can make you feel this wanted. But yet you still feel unwanted and maybe a bit alone. Sure you get all this attention and you really think he wants to be around you and such but, you still feel a bit empty. Yes,empty. Sure Ive been working on my God stuff and it's going pretty well but,emptiness is still what I feel when I'm not with my friends...or him. I also feel really mean when I leave my small group of friends to talk to him. I still love them and want to be around them,it's just he draws me away somehow. He's magic or something,or maybe it's hormones or whatever.I think he may deserve better though,He doesn't really need all this crap that a relationship with me would pile on him.

I feel good most days but,my bad days are HORRIBLE it's like being the walking dead,except dead people can't intentionally hurt themselves and then not have it noticed by family. It's not like it's invisible the wounds are there,my family just chooses not to see them,chooses not to ask how it happened. It hurt. Yes the act of doing it but more so the people so close to me that I see them every morning noon and night,not noticing or not caring enough to ask. Yeah sure I would lie about it but still.....I want them to care.

Now I realize what I just told you,now I realize the disappointment that must be seething through you,the anger or the sadness maybe even a little pain of your own. God probably feels the same way,maybe I'm the cause of all this rain,maybe he's crying and yelling at me to stop doing this to myself.To tell you the truth,I was almost screaming at myself to stop. My knees went weak and I was sobbing.But,I convinced myself it was the only way. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm not perky,I'm not happy,I'm not this hyper person all the time. I'm not perfect and for this I apologize.Because you deserve perfection,the perfection I can't give you.