I tried to be perfect,I tried to be honest,I tried to be everything you ever wanted.

So yeah. My parents made me feel like absolute crap today.
I'm SO SICK of them telling me to be like my brother. It's like he's their freaking golden child and I was the mistake. Apparently I'm useless and worthless because that's ALL they ever talk about. How Jake does SOOOO much more and he has a job and he goes to work and he's the fricken king or the fricken world while I'm just a lazy ass [excuse my french] without a goal for my life. They probably think I'll end up in their basement the rest of my life. When they talk to their friends it's Always about Jake,Jake this,Jake that. No I don't blame my brother for this,he's a great guy and he does a lot of good things but FOR REAL my parents need to learn how to treat their middle child.Cause they make me feel like dirt. They make me feel like I'm not worth their time,which makes me think about other things that I really don't need to be thinking about. Like,would they really miss me if I was gone? Would they even care?I really don't think so.

Okay,so they aren't HORRIBLE. They do a LOT of nice things for me. But when they strike blows,it's not just a flesh wound. It digs deep and sting and burns like nobodies business. There are always scars left and their words replay in my head over and over until I go insane. Yeah I know I can be stupid sometimes,but that's kinda my job. I'm here to learn,dear Parental units, I'm here to make mistakes and learn from them. Not have you tell me what a stupid ass I am and how I'll never get a job or pay for a car or get into college or start a family or anything. I'm so sick of being torn down by MY OWN FAMILY. You're supposed to love me but, all I hear are insults pounding in my ears.I'm not saying that you put the razor in my hands,I'm saying you put the thoughts in my head in the first place. The self worthlessness,the hatred of my being. I should love being who I am around you but, you make me feel stupid,family, you make me feel like a nerd in the worst possible way. No I'm not adorable,I'm just silly or need to grow up.Do you have any idea how much self-hatred it takes to put that thought into someones head? I do. And then you make fun of cutting in front of me,I know you don't know but,parents,some people really DO hurt like that,I really hurt like that. So lastly dear,family. I need you to understand how much you make me hurt sometimes and how much other people hurt all the times. Those other people that burn,cut and other horrible things. It's because people make them feel worthless,like you do me. Be lucky,parental units, that I have wonderful friends that build me up,that I have a God that helps me when I'm hurt. Because I feel as though I would be dead right now without them ad if you ever read this.You'd think I was being overly dramatic. Because..you don't understand.
~Aurora